Hello, Pushkin

Mae is ten weeks old. Still so tiny, but already so much bigger and more capable than when she was born. She laughs, and swats at things and can roll over onto one side.

Watching her grow so fast, it's beginning to dawn on me that she's not going to be a baby forever. She's going to be a kid before we know it, and then a teenager and an adult, and the way we interact with her is going to play a big part in determining the kind of person she becomes. And I guess that's why I've been thinking a lot lately about what kind of mom I want to be.

I know I'm going to make a ton of mistakes but, maybe, if I can lay some ground rules for myself, I'll have something to look back on and aspire to. You know, kind of like wedding vows - except for parenting. Parenting vows.

So this is what I'm thinking. I hearby do solemnly swear the following things. And if I slip up some day (and I know I will, probably often) Mae can print this off, and highlight it, and stick it to the fridge and point to it and jump up and down and say "Hey, you. Remember how you solemly swore?"


So, I hearby do solemnly swear...

That I will not micromanage Mae's homework assignments, clothing choices, friendships, diet or schedule. Of course, this does NOT mean that I'll let her skip school, wear only a thong and a micro-mini, join a biker gang and go on a 100% Twinkie diet. Just that, whenever possible, (and unless her general health and safety is at risk) I'll try to let Mae make her own choices.

That I'll always keep in mind how much a parent's approval means and will only withold it when I can't possibly manage to approve (again, the health and safety thing). Because it doesn't matter if you're five-years-old, showing off your macaroni art project, or almost grown-up and bringing home a new boyfriend... without exception, it hurts like hell when your parents fail to be proud of you or when they dissaprove of something you love.

That I won't put myself down in front of Mae. Little girls who hear their moms say "I can't, I can't" or "I'm fat, I'm fat," learn by example.

That I'll never ask or expect Mae to take care of me - emotionally, financially, or otherwise - in return for being her mom. If Mae wants to "pay me back" she can do it by loving her own kids as much as I love her.

That I'll do my best to make the world be - and feel - safe for her even, and especially, when it isn't.

That I'll support her in becoming whoever she wants to be and in living the life she wants to live. My only expectations (and I am firm on these) are that she keeps breathing until she is at least 100 and that she is kind to herself and to others.