Hello, Pushkin

I can't take another day of this torture. I need pants that fit!

For months now, I've resisted going clothes shopping. First, because I don't want to spend the money. Second, because I'm not going anywhere much besides the park and the early years' centre, so who cares what I'm wearing? Third, because I can't figure out what size I am anymore, anyway.

All my maternity stuff is huge... and the jeans I bought just after Mae was born (when the idea of putting on something without an elastic waistband made me giddy) fall off my hips now. And you'd think my normal pre-pregnancy clothes might fit, right? Only you'd be wrong. They're mostly too big, too. It's like the combination of breastfeeding, running around after Mae and not always having time to eat lunch has shrunk my hips, legs, butt and everything else down to nothing.... except for my stomach, where there's still a strange, bulgy, flappy thing that, I'm guessing, will never go away.

This morning I was so desperate for something that wouldn't fall off that I actually put on a pair of sweatpants... even though I swore to myself when my mat leave started that I would never be a sweatpants mom. I ended up looking in the mirror and taking them off again but, still, it was an awfully close call. So, that's it. I'm taking my mystery-sized butt shopping this weekend. Wish me luck!