Thursday, September 06, 2007
Back to Work... or Not
Yesterday was my supposed-to-go-back-to-work day. I watched it pass on the calendar with a mix of gratitude ("Thank God I get to spend this day with Mae instead") and gut-wrenching fear ("Oh God. What have I done?? We are screwed and it's all my fault").
I haven't been blogging much lately because I've been frantically, constantly looking for freelance work. I've sent my portfolio to more than 300 companies... I've told everyone I know to let me know if they hear of anything and, still, nothing. Or, I shouldn't say nothing. I get a lot of nice emails back saying "We'll keep you in mind." But being kept in mind isn't going to help pay the mortgage.
I'm in a seriously low spot at the moment.
The good news though is that Mae is completely oblivious to it all. She takes her naps while I send email after email. While I stand in the grocery store, worrying over the price of this or that, she babbles contentedly and waves to strangers walking by. When I feel like crying in frustration, she reminds me that it's time to go to the sandbox now, and so we go, and I feel better watching her bake sand cakes in the sun.
And then there's my husband who is endlessly supportive. He keeps telling me the work will come... it will be okay... which is nice to hear when I'm too scared to believe it myself. Lately, I look around at my life and wonder what I did to deserve all these people who love me and believe in me so much, and then I think, oh God, please help me find a way not to let them down.
I haven't been blogging much lately because I've been frantically, constantly looking for freelance work. I've sent my portfolio to more than 300 companies... I've told everyone I know to let me know if they hear of anything and, still, nothing. Or, I shouldn't say nothing. I get a lot of nice emails back saying "We'll keep you in mind." But being kept in mind isn't going to help pay the mortgage.
I'm in a seriously low spot at the moment.
The good news though is that Mae is completely oblivious to it all. She takes her naps while I send email after email. While I stand in the grocery store, worrying over the price of this or that, she babbles contentedly and waves to strangers walking by. When I feel like crying in frustration, she reminds me that it's time to go to the sandbox now, and so we go, and I feel better watching her bake sand cakes in the sun.
And then there's my husband who is endlessly supportive. He keeps telling me the work will come... it will be okay... which is nice to hear when I'm too scared to believe it myself. Lately, I look around at my life and wonder what I did to deserve all these people who love me and believe in me so much, and then I think, oh God, please help me find a way not to let them down.
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You have all these people who love you so much because you are awesome, and totally deserve all these awesome people who love you so much. And your husband is right: work will come. Remember that labour day just passed; lots of people were on vacation in August; now is the time that people put their heads back down to the grindstone. A leftover from our academic years, perhaps: the desire to work properly in Sept, and much less in the summer. Work will come.
I wish you lots of luck! I came back to work last week and am miserable about it. Maybe its just tough either way. :(
Writing and editing, mostly for youth and family markets. If you know of any opportunities....
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