Friday, October 19, 2007
Goodbye, Hello Pushkin
For a while now, I've been thinking about how to say goodbye.
I started this blog as a record of Mae's first year, and -- incredibly enough -- it's over, and then some. She'll be 14 months old in a few days. Where did the time go? How did she morph from a squiggly, squinty, babylump into a full-fledged look-at-me-go toddler? I barely missed a minute, but it's still a total mystery. All I can think is that I'm glad we took photos, and I'm glad I wrote things down, because her babyhood already feels like a dream I've woken up from.
Last Friday, we went back to Mom and Tot class (the same one we went to last year, where Mae used to fall asleep on the mat every week amid the chaos). This year, everything is different though. This year, she's the big fish in the little pond. She tramps around, picking out toys and exploring, then goes over to peer at the little babies on the mat. She doesn't look at them for long though. She's a busy kid. She's got stuff to do. I don't blame her, either. I personally can't get over how boring those little babies are. And, if I hadn't been in their place this time last year, I'd be miffed at how their parents manage to just sit there, staring at them.
When I was pregnant, I had this naive idea that Mae would be born, and then I'd know her. What I've discovered, though, is that the first year (and beyond) is more like watching a Polaroid picture develop. She's still the same fairly-mellow, mostly-easy-to-please person whose shadowy outlines we started to know as an infant, but the colours are so much brighter now. So much richer.
I know so much more about her... She loves cheese and carrots and ravioli. She likes climbing things, opening and closing doors, turning on taps and going to the sandbox. She's shy and cautious in big groups, clinging to my leg and climbing into my lap until she knows it's safe. She likes to spin around until she gets dizzy, then fall down, then stand up and do it again. She's good at entertaining herself; this afternoon, she played quietly for fifteen minutes with four potatoes, a Tupperwear and a bath sponge. She laughs all the time. She smacks her lips in little air kisses. She takes off in hot pursuit of kitties and whacks them lovingly. She wants to read and read and read.
She's so much and so good, I couldn't possibly begin to capture it in words. She's changed everything about our lives already, and she's still only getting started.
I started this blog as a record of Mae's first year, and -- incredibly enough -- it's over, and then some. She'll be 14 months old in a few days. Where did the time go? How did she morph from a squiggly, squinty, babylump into a full-fledged look-at-me-go toddler? I barely missed a minute, but it's still a total mystery. All I can think is that I'm glad we took photos, and I'm glad I wrote things down, because her babyhood already feels like a dream I've woken up from.
Last Friday, we went back to Mom and Tot class (the same one we went to last year, where Mae used to fall asleep on the mat every week amid the chaos). This year, everything is different though. This year, she's the big fish in the little pond. She tramps around, picking out toys and exploring, then goes over to peer at the little babies on the mat. She doesn't look at them for long though. She's a busy kid. She's got stuff to do. I don't blame her, either. I personally can't get over how boring those little babies are. And, if I hadn't been in their place this time last year, I'd be miffed at how their parents manage to just sit there, staring at them.
When I was pregnant, I had this naive idea that Mae would be born, and then I'd know her. What I've discovered, though, is that the first year (and beyond) is more like watching a Polaroid picture develop. She's still the same fairly-mellow, mostly-easy-to-please person whose shadowy outlines we started to know as an infant, but the colours are so much brighter now. So much richer.
I know so much more about her... She loves cheese and carrots and ravioli. She likes climbing things, opening and closing doors, turning on taps and going to the sandbox. She's shy and cautious in big groups, clinging to my leg and climbing into my lap until she knows it's safe. She likes to spin around until she gets dizzy, then fall down, then stand up and do it again. She's good at entertaining herself; this afternoon, she played quietly for fifteen minutes with four potatoes, a Tupperwear and a bath sponge. She laughs all the time. She smacks her lips in little air kisses. She takes off in hot pursuit of kitties and whacks them lovingly. She wants to read and read and read.
She's so much and so good, I couldn't possibly begin to capture it in words. She's changed everything about our lives already, and she's still only getting started.
Friday, October 12, 2007
One of Those Mothers
About three years ago, way before Mae was born, my husband and I went to this cottage weekend at a friend's place. There were four or five couples there. Half had babies or young kids and the other half (which, obviously, included us) didn't.
And, dear God, those baby people were annoying. Not only did they never shut up about their kids... how clever they were... how cute they were... what funny noises they liked to make... but they also did incredibly rude and disgusting things. One of them even changed their baby on the dining room table WHILE we were eating. Shudder. My husband and I swore to never be like them.
It just goes to show, you should never say never.
In the past week alone, I've caught myself doing the following, inexcusable things...
#1 - I tore open a package of raisins in line at the grocery store (before having paid for them) and gave them to Mae to keep her quiet.
#2 - I changed her diaper in my in-law's carpeted living room, in full view of the Thanksgiving dinner table, where people were still eating. I admit, it wasn't as bad as changing her on the table... but it was still pretty bad.
#3 - While one of my best friends was pouring out her heart about her mother's stage four cancer, I started laughing because Mae was balancing a baby food jar lid on her nose.
So you see... it's official. I'm one of those mothers. I'm rude. I'm inconsiderate. My entire world revolves around my little girl. But at least I realize it, right? I figure that's got to be some sort of step in the right direction.
And, dear God, those baby people were annoying. Not only did they never shut up about their kids... how clever they were... how cute they were... what funny noises they liked to make... but they also did incredibly rude and disgusting things. One of them even changed their baby on the dining room table WHILE we were eating. Shudder. My husband and I swore to never be like them.
It just goes to show, you should never say never.
In the past week alone, I've caught myself doing the following, inexcusable things...
#1 - I tore open a package of raisins in line at the grocery store (before having paid for them) and gave them to Mae to keep her quiet.
#2 - I changed her diaper in my in-law's carpeted living room, in full view of the Thanksgiving dinner table, where people were still eating. I admit, it wasn't as bad as changing her on the table... but it was still pretty bad.
#3 - While one of my best friends was pouring out her heart about her mother's stage four cancer, I started laughing because Mae was balancing a baby food jar lid on her nose.
So you see... it's official. I'm one of those mothers. I'm rude. I'm inconsiderate. My entire world revolves around my little girl. But at least I realize it, right? I figure that's got to be some sort of step in the right direction.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Mae's List of Amazing Words
- star (pronounced stah!)
- dog (pronounced (dahg!)
- kitty-cat (pronounced kee-kah!)
- hot hot hot (pronounced hat-hat-hat. Refers to all mugs and Styrofoam cups, regardless of temperature of contents)
- hat (Refers to anything put on head)
- spoon (pronounced boon)
- dada
- mama
- moo (pronounced boo)
- baa
- quack
- bottle (pronounced bobble)
- kettle
- wow
- brat
- dirty dirty dirty (pronounced daddle daddle daddle. Refers to litter)
- ooooooooh!!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
In Other News...
It turns out miracles do happen! I found out last Wednesday that I got a grant for the young adult book I've been working on. A pretty decent-sized grant, too. Decent-sized enough that I can stop worrying so much about money for at least a few months, and do some writing, and keep looking for freelance work and breathe a little. I am so grateful right now. Somebody, somewhere, is clearly looking out for me.
A Star-Shaped Dog
Mae travels through her world these days on high alert for dogs and stars. They are, by far, her favourite things. When she spots one, she points and smiles and shouts to it: "STAH!" or "DAG!" Both things make her so happy that I can't help but wonder, how good would life be if we could find a star-shaped dog? Or a dog-shaped star? Or even a dog with stars on it?
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Hang-Ups, Hook-Ups, and Holding Out
When I was a teenager, my mom let me have sleepovers... with boys... in our house. Most people I tell that to are shocked. They had parents more of the "don't let me catch you so much as tongue kissing until you're at least 27" variety.
It might sound like an irresponsible approach to some people but, for us, it worked. She gave me all the information I needed (i.e., Use condoms AND foam AND consider taking the pill. Don't let anyone pressure you. Talk to me if you have questions or problems.) and then she made sure I had a safe place to do what I was going to do (if I was going to do it) and then she let me make my own decisions. She trusted me, and I generally made good decisions when it came to sex, alcohol and drugs.
Mae is one. We're a long, long way off from having to make decisions about what freedoms she will or won't have as a teenager but, all the same, it never hurts to start thinking about these things, and I loved - adored - absolutely can't say enough good things about the latest book I am reviewing for the Parent Blogger's network: girlology Hang-Ups, Hook-Ups, and Holding Out: Stuff you need to know about your body, sex, and dating by Melisa Holmes, M.D. and Trish Hutchison, M.D.
This book answers all the health-, sex- and relationship-type questions teenage girls are probably too embarrassed to ask... from the heart-wrenching: "I said the L word and my BF said nothing. Now what?"... to the truly puzzling: "Is it weird that one of my boobs is bigger than the other?"... to the downright terrifying: "My friend was raped while she was drunk at a party. She won't tell anyone. How can I help her?"
The authors/doctors tackle these and other questions in a down-to-earth, non-judgmental, teen-friendly way. The book is packed with information (even I learned a thing or two or three) but uses accessible language and never condescends. The format is pretty cool, too. Each chapter begins with a section called "She did What?" which tells a 'real life' story about a group of teens. And each chapter ends with a neat, doodle-inspired diagrams that walk the reader through the possible consequences of different choices. All in all, I have to say "Horray for this book." It's a balanced, informative, fun-to-read guide that treats teens with the respect they deserve.
And as for Mae, when we do reach the teen years, will we be as trusting as my mom was? Honestly, she's so little. It's hard to think about right now. It's one of those parental bridges you can't know how you'll cross until you get there. I do know that I will keep this book handy though, and that I hope to follow its approach. And, because the authors really say it best, here's a little snippet from the intro for parents to finish off the review:
It might sound like an irresponsible approach to some people but, for us, it worked. She gave me all the information I needed (i.e., Use condoms AND foam AND consider taking the pill. Don't let anyone pressure you. Talk to me if you have questions or problems.) and then she made sure I had a safe place to do what I was going to do (if I was going to do it) and then she let me make my own decisions. She trusted me, and I generally made good decisions when it came to sex, alcohol and drugs.
Mae is one. We're a long, long way off from having to make decisions about what freedoms she will or won't have as a teenager but, all the same, it never hurts to start thinking about these things, and I loved - adored - absolutely can't say enough good things about the latest book I am reviewing for the Parent Blogger's network: girlology Hang-Ups, Hook-Ups, and Holding Out: Stuff you need to know about your body, sex, and dating by Melisa Holmes, M.D. and Trish Hutchison, M.D.
This book answers all the health-, sex- and relationship-type questions teenage girls are probably too embarrassed to ask... from the heart-wrenching: "I said the L word and my BF said nothing. Now what?"... to the truly puzzling: "Is it weird that one of my boobs is bigger than the other?"... to the downright terrifying: "My friend was raped while she was drunk at a party. She won't tell anyone. How can I help her?"
The authors/doctors tackle these and other questions in a down-to-earth, non-judgmental, teen-friendly way. The book is packed with information (even I learned a thing or two or three) but uses accessible language and never condescends. The format is pretty cool, too. Each chapter begins with a section called "She did What?" which tells a 'real life' story about a group of teens. And each chapter ends with a neat, doodle-inspired diagrams that walk the reader through the possible consequences of different choices. All in all, I have to say "Horray for this book." It's a balanced, informative, fun-to-read guide that treats teens with the respect they deserve.
And as for Mae, when we do reach the teen years, will we be as trusting as my mom was? Honestly, she's so little. It's hard to think about right now. It's one of those parental bridges you can't know how you'll cross until you get there. I do know that I will keep this book handy though, and that I hope to follow its approach. And, because the authors really say it best, here's a little snippet from the intro for parents to finish off the review:
"Making demands and saying "you will act this way" is find for young children, but teens will soon be "out there" on their own. They need to know how to think, decide, and act on what is important to them. They need guidance in establishing their personal values, but in the end, the choices are theirs to make. If they are given the opportunity to thoughtfully and individually establish their personal goals and claim them as their own, they can be much more successful in sticking to them. "
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Back to Work... or Not
Yesterday was my supposed-to-go-back-to-work day. I watched it pass on the calendar with a mix of gratitude ("Thank God I get to spend this day with Mae instead") and gut-wrenching fear ("Oh God. What have I done?? We are screwed and it's all my fault").
I haven't been blogging much lately because I've been frantically, constantly looking for freelance work. I've sent my portfolio to more than 300 companies... I've told everyone I know to let me know if they hear of anything and, still, nothing. Or, I shouldn't say nothing. I get a lot of nice emails back saying "We'll keep you in mind." But being kept in mind isn't going to help pay the mortgage.
I'm in a seriously low spot at the moment.
The good news though is that Mae is completely oblivious to it all. She takes her naps while I send email after email. While I stand in the grocery store, worrying over the price of this or that, she babbles contentedly and waves to strangers walking by. When I feel like crying in frustration, she reminds me that it's time to go to the sandbox now, and so we go, and I feel better watching her bake sand cakes in the sun.
And then there's my husband who is endlessly supportive. He keeps telling me the work will come... it will be okay... which is nice to hear when I'm too scared to believe it myself. Lately, I look around at my life and wonder what I did to deserve all these people who love me and believe in me so much, and then I think, oh God, please help me find a way not to let them down.
I haven't been blogging much lately because I've been frantically, constantly looking for freelance work. I've sent my portfolio to more than 300 companies... I've told everyone I know to let me know if they hear of anything and, still, nothing. Or, I shouldn't say nothing. I get a lot of nice emails back saying "We'll keep you in mind." But being kept in mind isn't going to help pay the mortgage.
I'm in a seriously low spot at the moment.
The good news though is that Mae is completely oblivious to it all. She takes her naps while I send email after email. While I stand in the grocery store, worrying over the price of this or that, she babbles contentedly and waves to strangers walking by. When I feel like crying in frustration, she reminds me that it's time to go to the sandbox now, and so we go, and I feel better watching her bake sand cakes in the sun.
And then there's my husband who is endlessly supportive. He keeps telling me the work will come... it will be okay... which is nice to hear when I'm too scared to believe it myself. Lately, I look around at my life and wonder what I did to deserve all these people who love me and believe in me so much, and then I think, oh God, please help me find a way not to let them down.
